*This is an old myspace post I decided to put on my "official blog."
As a child of Christ, we are loved by God. Yeah yeah, you know it, I know it. We know it. But do we? Are we radically changed and transformed by that idea daily? I'm not. Not in the least.
"It is a rare person who loses himself in the presence of other human beings...... Perhaps the most comforting characteristic of Christ is that He liked people. Were somebody to ask me to begin a religious system, I would sit down and write a book the way Muhammad and Joseph Smith both did. This would seem the most logical way to communicate new ideas. Writing in scrolls, however, was not something that interested Jesus. He never sat down and wrote a mission statement. Instead, He accumulated friends and allowed them to write about Him, testify about Him. Each of the Gospels reveals a Christ, who is with people, attended parties, drank with people, prayed with people, traveled with people, and worked with people. I can't imagine He would do this unless He actually likes people and cared about them. Jesus built our faith system entirely on relationships, forgoing, marketing efforts and spin. Not only that, but one of the criticisms of Christ was that He was a friend of pagans. Not that He hung out with pagans, but that He was their friend. I take great comfort in the possibility that Jesus would like me were we to meet face-to-face.......It must have been wonderful to spend time with Christ, with Somebody who liked you, loved you, believed in you, and offered a closeness foreign to sink-bound man. A person would feel significant in His presence. After all, those who knew Christ personally went on to accomplish amazing feats, proving unwavering devotion. It must have been thrilling to look into the eyes of God and have Him look back and communicate that human beings, down to the individual, are of immense worth and beauty and worthy of intimacy with each other and the Godhead. Such an understanding fueled a lifetime of joy and emotional health among the disciples that neither crowds of people jeering insults, nor prison, nor torture, nor exclusion could undo. They were faithful to the end, even to their own deaths....... I know in my heart they were not living the lives they lived or dying the deaths they died because they were doing something "right." -Searching for God Knows What/Donald Miller
Logic and fact have their place in this world, most certainly. But if you ask me, it's easier to cling to that which is in front of my face that which I can grasp and make sense of. I so often place the Lord in a box or turn Him into a checklist. Facts are easy. Relationships are messy. As a woman, I am supposed to be relational right? So this should be no sweat, but I fall so far short even in the places where I am supposed to be strong. In Francis Chans living with joy series, he talks about how he has to ask God daily to help him love others. He admits that he wakes up everyday thinking first of himself, his needs and desires. I have realized lately how poorly I love other people. I am so consumed with self, what Im struggling with, what I need, what I want. I want to be someone who loses themselves in the presence of others. I think that is so beautiful. I want to be so intricately connected to The Source of life that I am not only so full of life, but overflowing in such a way where I can just focus on giving and loving others. Content with second place and obscurity as Paul writes. I wonder how differently I would live my everyday life if I not only knew but believed that I am liked by God. How would I be able to relate and love others differently? I almost think its easier to understand we are loved than the idea that we are liked. I love my family, but I dont always like them. I use that same lens to perceive the way the Lord looks at me.
I look at these truths and first examine myself and then I look to the community. I feel that in some way it is forced community broken down to formula and logic. I accept my fair share of my part in it. I repent of it. As Mat has told me before, be the change. I will allow Christ to be the change in me. To breathe His relationship into a stiff and rigid heart like my own. Dont get me wrong, I am not bashing logic, but rather logic apart from relationship and so often take place of relationship. This is only my perception. Im not saying it is truth as far as our community goes. No doubt does relational, raw, authentic community exist because it absolutely does, but does anyone else besides me feel the pressure to break even that down to a formula? Does anyone else feel the pressure that says give space, dont create, dont expect, not too close, dont give too much, there will be nothing left of you, you will loose yourself, retreat, that person doesnt want to know you, dont share too much, you wont be/arent understood, you will be hurt, you will be let down, no one really cares? Maybe its just me, and if thats the case, than this is only a statement of how I feel.
"It is true that it is a powerful occurrence to have somebody look you in the eye and say you are worth something." Its also true that this is what Christ is communicating to every person all the time. If only I believed to the very marrow of my being I too could accomplish amazing feats with unwavering devotion.
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