This is the first vacation I've ever took since becoming a working adult. I've taken vacation time to go to Mexico or a Passion event, but this is the first time I've ever taken substantial vacation that wasn't for something that had anything to do with church, so you can imagaine my excitment leading up to this.
Can I be really honest? I am miserable. I just want to be home. I went from two and a half crazy days in Chicago with out hardly a second to rest or really enjoy anything, to sitting in what feels like the middle of no where Wisconsin. We're about 20 minutes from downtown from what I hear, but I have no clue where I am or how to get anywhere, and who wants to navigate unfamiliar terrain by yourself.
I'm lonely and totally out of my element. I have realized this trip that it's really hard for me to just be myself around my family. They don't understand the silly or even the really serious parts of my heart. I read or even know people who describe their family as people who really know them. Where they can let their guard down and just be at rest enjoying the kinship. I envy that because that is very far from what I experience with my family. My family feels more like a battlefield. One in which I often feel lonely in fighting. I will confess these past few days has agitated a desire for someone to battle along beside me, but I know there are seasons to come where I need that to be the Lord and that to be enough. *sigh*
My sister and her husband are at a suprise birthday party for one of their friends. I went with them yesterday to another party another friend was having in the neighborhood. It's was fine and good and everything, but I declined to go with them today. Spare me the 20 kids running around and middle aged parents who all talk about their kids and other things that I have nothing in common with.
All this to say I miss Charlotte. I know this sounds stupid considering I will be home Tuesday, but being away has made me even more aware of how much I appreciate my friends, my church, and even my job in Charlotte. It is truly home. Sometimes in the complacency of life, I often day dream about what it would be like to visit or live in other places. I geth frustrated or bored with life and wish for new friends, new people, new places...whatever. Even though I am on vacation with familiar people, my family, they are a struggle. I love them dearly, but I don't know what I was thinking when I planned this trip to spend this much time with them where I would be so trapped, which is exactly how I feel right now.
When we go to Mexico for a week, I always miss my house, my bed, the city itself, but not usually so much the people because I go to Mexico with them. This time however, I miss you guys. And I am blogging to say that I appreciate all of my family in Charlotte because that is what they have become, family. Meredith, Brittany, Lindsey, Mat, Katie, all of my small group girls, Briana, Nicole, and everyone else that is apart of my family in Charlotte. Praise the Father for a Kingdom Family. It is so true that those bonds are thicker than bloodly ones. For anyone who has trouble with their earthly families for whatever reason, I certainly understand. When it's a burden and a lot of heart ache, I will rejoice that I have a family bound by Christ.
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