Dry and full of splinters

This week has not been all together bad and it has not been all together good. I had a few stressful days at work, and I see insecurities popping up that I don't like much.

I have done most of this week on my own.

I hate that it is so hard to work in disciplines of doing my Beth Moore study, being in the Word, and talking with God and how easy it is to whittle away hours browsing online, cleaning the house, running errands, hanging out with people until there is no time or energy left at the end of the day so I just surrender to my guilt turn out the light. Then the next day and the day after that go along the same way, and before I know it, my eyes begin to wear heavy with stress and tiredness. I swear that used to be my life. Always tired and stressed and frustrated, but I never really quite knew why. Now I do.

I feel the tiredness in my eyes as I type this. There is a song by Sandra McCracken that I really like. She says...

"I'm afraid to be alone with you becuase I'm dry and full of splinters."

I feel like that right now. I need to find that place again like I did two Fridays ago. It's not the absence of struggle that brings freedom and peace. It's finding the freedom and peace in the midst of struggle. Sometimes that is easier than others. I hate how easiliy my heart can conjure up emotions for things. My emotions always get ahead of themselves then when reality catches up, I need healing.

Doing life on your own is not life at all. Let me hand it over to the only One who can give me living water to replinish my soul.